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whakyZ86
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read my profile
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Name: Zach
Location: Massachusetts, United States
Birthday: 11/16/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: just having a good time(now with equal amounts of studying)
Expertise: im an expert at...dunno
never thought about it
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
7/7/2003
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My parents were always telling me that I just needed to learn to say “no,” people I knew have always been telling me that I was “too generous” or, “a bleeding heart”; for the longest time I always thought they were right.
The farthest back memory that I have of when this quality that I posses was visible, I was nine years old and with my family on a trip to MGM studios. The ride where this memory of mine came was a virtual “Back to the Future” ride with my family. We were seated in the famous “Back to the Future” car with a large screen directly in front-view, where we watched a short movie that had you playing the main character as you went “Future Driving” in pursuit of this college student (I think he was meant to be a Biff of sorts) who had stolen the professors car to whet his avaricious appetite. I remember chasing the car he stole when it began to malfunction; followed by him pleading for us to help. Once that happened, all I could think of was one phrase, “we’ve got to save him” – a fact that I made abundantly clear I had even after the ride was over.
I am unsure of the reasons my parents have given me over the years – they are simply just too abstract to restate. Those of others are not so much so, however: they talked of that gut sensation one receives when there’s no denying that people are by nature self-referential – when, being generous by nature, you offer others an extremely wide berth for taking advantage of that generosity. I can’t say that I was ever conflicted by this trait of mine when I was younger; however, I do know that by the seventh grade I had already begun trying to ignore my generosity since I had already noticed myself being taken for a fool at times. I say, “ignore” because if there’s one thing that people don’t admit enough, it’s hard change deep-rooted qualities. As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to give things that I had to others – unconditionally, as it were, whenever I felt they were in need of it. I didn’t want to try and stifle the sensation—a glowing, if you will—I received. This is, of course, in a subconscious sort of way until I was much older. Always, however, this was a source of constant discontent, anxiety, and conflict within myself.
Just recently, I no longer find this inner-problem a problem – I have reached the final understanding that has allowed me to make a conscious choice of what to do and from the most unlikely of places, too: Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway in Mrs. Dalloway. The story, her life; her inner-conflict is without any contention my own – one which, for the sake of surmising, was the realization of my own “atheist belief in doing good for the sake of doing good.”
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| nobody's heard from me in a while, and you wont for at least a little longer, but just so that you know...IM COMING BACK TO TAIWAN FOR SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway,
late | | |
| Friends...
With Friends the powers of speech are useless; for the eyes can say in seconds what words are only capable of in hours.
A persons eyes are for anyone else a gateway into their "ren wu" (Inner animal), and thats all you need to know friend from foe or people that you simply just...know.
Talk is cheap
Why would you even want to have such a clear cut view? Very simple...
so when one day you come to a place with no one you know...you will have the power to say in your mind:
"Kao...ni men shi shei ah? Zai wo bei hou you ren, ni ne? Kan ni men zenme yang."
Uncertainty kills because it makes the ground you walk on disapear.
My mind is everything but uncertain now. I have no doubts, no regrets, no sorrows; just content knowing that I don't ever have to prove myself again. Never have to prove myself again because i've realized that if i need to prove myself to you...your really not worth my time because you failed to see me when i was right in front of you.
No more shadows...just sunlight.
"The strongest person is he who lets you in, lets you out, and shut the gate freely--no problem"
Take it if you like it.
Fuck off if you dont.
If you really want to take the time to change something you THINK is wrong with me...im game...lets see whose eyes are stronger. | | |
| very very soon it will be exactly 1 whole year since the last time i set foot in taiwan. although i wont be there exactly a year since i was there last, i still got my ticket, and my trip is for sure, so i got one thing to say:
*siiiiiiiigh* Thank you
WATCH OUT NOW IM HOME FREE!!!!!!! | | |
| sometimes i wonder if there is anything wrong with me...i wonder this because i dont have the answer as to why i, even to myself, fit the profile of an anti-social teenager. whats even more confusing to me is that i like having fun, i like talking to people, i like hanging out, but for some reason i just never do. MSN? im never on it anymore. phone calls? i only use it to call out 2 people (not counting my parents). sometimes i wonder if i should change it. maybe im doing the wrong thing cuz im neglecting many people that i know. Even though this is a maybe, and even though it might be as simple as neglect--therefore, as simple as its just not the right thing to practice--if i dont do it because i just dont wanna deal with the confusion and not that i dont wanna deal with the individuals, then am i wrong? am i not being a friend? or should friends be the kind of thing that can separate for a span of something like 20 years, re-assemble, and everything is as if you were talking to that friend/s just the day before? so i guess my real question is:
how are we supposed to define loyalty?
how is it shown that there is a lack?
is there ever a lack if the person who is supposed to be lacking remembers the person who is internally critiquing them so for the good times and how much fun it would be to do it all over again?
no one has said anything to me, although ive mentioned this thought to a few, but i just cant help but wonder because if there are people out there that think im a dick for how little i spend my time emailing, chatting, phone calling, etc., are they a friend if they just think about it with bitterness but never take that step to mention it to me?
questions...
too many questions...
life is beautiful but sometimes it can be a bit too confusing for my head to work out.
and thats that...
laaate | | |
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Stanford
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This is the first article that ive ever written for something like this so i might be a little slow.
dammit this place is driving me crazy. ive only been here for a week and i seriously think ive done more work than i have in all my years of school. 15 HOURS!!! ON A PAPER.
i have almost no time to sleep here shit....... but ohwell. its mad fun at the same time. Im meeting all kinds of new and cool people here. like this guy manuel, whos wicked smart, or these two girls amanda and retu. i feel like ive known them for years just after a week because their personalities are so intense.
the classes here arent bad either. all i do is what everyone back in taiwan knows i love to do...fucking argue. lol. thats all i do and i get graded for it. this is great.
anyway
i gotta go write another paper.
be back to inform again.
oh wait
diane,
thanks for making this xanga page 'mei.' you knew id never make it myself or do anything with it unless you made it for me ;). and thanks for what you wrote in my personals. ill try and express myself to you the same way you did there on your xanga sometime.
everyone in taiwan. try to explain to this girl that the friendships youve made with her arent going to fade ok? shes making such a big deal outa it.
haha
peace
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